I'm on a one week break. Since Monday, although Monday was spent mostly orchestrating the one week break and various handing overs and cram-briefing a PRP regarding ICU before I embark upon my one week break. And then just hanging around trying to find something to do... the one week break was like a black hole giving me the evil eye and I was looking at anywhere but it. Finally the U48 Y/M tasked me to draw up two paintings, one each for the paeds ward. And so she sent me packing.

Tuesday I was still lost. Actually I was starting to enjoy the break but felt guilty for doing so... bought a couple of music mags which came with free cds so essentially I was buying cds for 11 bucks each :D

Wednesday I already gave into the morphia of the one week break. Gosh, must it ever end... did my hair into the figurative up yours of hair colouring limits of the civil servant... got myself 2 murakamis... got the paints and the drawing block paper and the ideas fizzing in my head...

Thursday I drew up the snail on a magic carpet ride carrying the whole world on its back (yeah pratchettian) on a collision course with a salt shaker comet. Then went buffet dinner with the parents with 3 courses of diarrhoea, and then cocktails with Adeline at Marriot. And we steadfastly missed the countdown and the balloon-popping kids that came with the package. And then came home and surfed Gucci bags with the stepmom.

So tai-tai I know.

And I could get used to this... not the datin lifestyle per se, but the whole anything-but-work persona... I know this sympathy leave will not last forever... actually it shouldn't, and the sooner I get back to work the better... but oh gosh the sheer white blankness of mind as I slowly go about the day. I'm not exactly getting my sanity back but I sure am letting my nerve endings heal... I love this. I love the immensity of space to do or not do, whatever I want.

And I love my job... I know this is a squeaky thin argument versus my current state of mind... I'm slowly getting competent at what I do and the returns are immediate... yet it takes a lot of me. I'm giving up too much for this job, and I thought it would feed me... but oh well. No marathon without hundred plus.

I need to get myself back. Nutrition. Thing is, once I start working again I won't have time for music and books and imagination. I can't always use collapsing as a marker for breaks. How.