today i cried again. and i was, am still, bitterly disappointed in myself, so old still want to cry. same old fucking trigger. this time in the ward. get a grip.
and then i realise, i cant remember the last time i cried. so it's a setback, but it's also a milestone. and after that i picked myself up (straggledly) and continued with the work. and it felt damn fucking good after that, albeit having to stare down sns and jms and patients with red swollen eyes.
plus point, the hod took it upon himself to sit me down with coffee (in the pantry, 3in1 nescafe. think what starbucks ah) and decided to get to know me better. awesome tactic, the distracting of. instead of everyone else who usually makes me cry harder (with mostly embarrassment) by trying to comfort me or asking what's wrong. so at least now i got to learn something about india.
minus point, shit damn embarrassing ok let specialist mo ho sn jm see me cry. be stronger dammit. personal is not the same as important. i am seriously contemplating getting a tattoo of that. as a matter of fact, another great distraction was deciding where on the body.
it's funny though how i am slowly orbiting away from the pharm world. they're still good and kind and nice people (and a couple of snakes, in contexts oriental and occidental) but now the safehouse is the ward. it's a bit of a frightening illusion. after all, there's no one to get my back in the ward...
among other news, i remember how hans was crowing about his toxoplasmosis case in seremban. so now i have one here, and g6pd deficient at that. ha, singularity.
