song for a monday

lynas

Since the Lynas issue is an issue close to my heart and malaysians are a bunch of fucking ignorant retards, I vote we go ahead with LYNAS.

However I would also like to make a suggestion to the authorities. We move the LYNAS plant to say like I dunno, Taman Tun Dr. Ismail. Yeah. I mean like you all say no radiation right, it's not dangerous, the people in Kuantan don't want it, the people in Kuala Lumpur has nothing against it, so move it there la. Win-win situation. Then we'll start seeing people flip the fuck out.

And no offense taman tun people, I'm from there myself, but the level of ignorance/apathy among you guys is pissing me off. So perhaps we should start a petition: Have Lynas in KUALA LUMPUR. I'll vote for it.

In fact I can't wait. When the issue of the LRT came up and they wanted to build it through Taman Tun, the residents went into panic mode and started protesting and they actually changed their plans. So you know what this means? There are rich and powerful people staying there. And right now they don't give a fuck about the Lynas issue. So you want them to start bucking up? Put it in their backyard and wait with a bucket of popcorn in your hand.

Here's a little advice to you people out there. Young, trendy KL people from the private sector especially ( no reason why, personal bias). I am not sure you will be able to understand this concept, but I'll try my best to explain it to you in simple terms. Here goes, you ready? Try and understand it okay, it might be difficult but do try. So here goes: THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU, SO THE NEXT TIME YOU ARE GOING ME,ME, ME ALL THE TIME...WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO AND SCREW YOURSELF. Seriously.

Eat shit and die la

arithmetic

3 frps resign(ed)(ing) effective august.

2 frps married, awaiting transfer.

5 prps finished effective july, 2 posted out, 3 floating (hopefully retained but we're being a bit optimistic here).

in the coming two months, 7 prps finishing.

total new prps since jan this year, 3.

aaand then, today the 44 posting out, and net loss of another 2 frps (the one and only each from ipd and satellite).

so yes, **gh can close ward supply become polyclinic^

(^as quoted by ppf u32 kub)

I heard for the incoming pharmies, they have one year of service and then they have to apply back if they want to stay in the government.

Sigh, if that's true, I'm going to stab somebody in the eye. What about us? Four years of our youth gone. Everybody says but you got so long to live, but you are only in your 20s for ten years. And 4 years of it, you give to that no-good government.

Open counter is making me murderous. Or maybe it's the last minute meetings they set on Sundays from 8-5. Slow release. Gah.

So now I have to spend three weeks in this stupid town. Don't tell me about how I could go find friends bla bla bla, I have a problem, I'm socially inept. You happy?

Patients keep on coming up to me, talk about the Lynas issue about how they disagree with it and oh yeah they also sold their house here and moving to KL. Wtf. Seriously.

Somebody save me.

today i cried again. and i was, am still, bitterly disappointed in myself, so old still want to cry. same old fucking trigger. this time in the ward. get a grip.

and then i realise, i cant remember the last time i cried. so it's a setback, but it's also a milestone. and after that i picked myself up (straggledly) and continued with the work. and it felt damn fucking good after that, albeit having to stare down sns and jms and patients with red swollen eyes.

plus point, the hod took it upon himself to sit me down with coffee (in the pantry, 3in1 nescafe. think what starbucks ah) and decided to get to know me better. awesome tactic, the distracting of. instead of everyone else who usually makes me cry harder (with mostly embarrassment) by trying to comfort me or asking what's wrong. so at least now i got to learn something about india.

minus point, shit damn embarrassing ok let specialist mo ho sn jm see me cry. be stronger dammit. personal is not the same as important. i am seriously contemplating getting a tattoo of that. as a matter of fact, another great distraction was deciding where on the body.

it's funny though how i am slowly orbiting away from the pharm world. they're still good and kind and nice people (and a couple of snakes, in contexts oriental and occidental) but now the safehouse is the ward. it's a bit of a frightening illusion. after all, there's no one to get my back in the ward...

among other news, i remember how hans was crowing about his toxoplasmosis case in seremban. so now i have one here, and g6pd deficient at that. ha, singularity.

incident reporting

1. ivig for itp.

dose, 400mg/kg for 5 days. pt 70kg, total 30g per day. how to infuse? try 0.6ml/min, if after 30mins no reaction, increase by 0.2ml/min til max 4.8ml/min.

and then, it was infused at 0.6ml/h, increased to a grand total of 1.6ml/h 12 hours later. i didnt check. i know how the infusion pump works. it should have struck my brain. i deserve to be cut down by lightning.

patient not responding to the ivig.

2. ivi pantoprazole for ugih.

dose, 8mg/h for 72h. i dont know how i calculated, i told them to dilute 80mg in 100ml, infuse at 0.8ml/h. padahal it's nowhere near what it should be of 10ml/h. sn asked me whether i was sure, two shifts later. luckily the patient hasnt bled out.

3. vinblastine 10mg for abvd

prp supplied vincristine 2mg, and like the hero i am i didnt check. oh gosh i didnt check. this is the first thing you learn as a prp, countercheck, countercheck, countercheck. actually what i learnt first was the pen is your best friend... but anyway. i didnt countercheck. luckily the mo did. no bonus points for me from her, though.

3 damn fucked up stupid mistakes in 2 days. i hope the itp guy responds to the ivig soon. or not rm10k per day down the drain. how do i reverse this? i cant take leave, the ward is too messed up. but my brain is tired, and i am not even finishing the work i should be doing. and the work that i do end up doing is worse than cannot pakai, it's a downright liability. i need to get out of this walking dead frame of mind and actually function. i need to disregard all the stress i feel about research and the resentment i feel about the department and the demotivation i get looking at mr surgical, and just focus. please Lord help me focus for the next week. please help me focus.

hep hep

hokay. going to the ulus next week. starting second day of audit dalaman. with our favourite pharmacist.

quite excited actually. except when i think about conversation with mr aforementioned la. but oh yes to be away, away, away.